Why Do I Do This?

Why do I do these things to myself?  As if I did not have enough to do, I decided to makeover a closet into a reading room?!  What the heck is wrong with me?

I think with anxiety, it is sometimes easier to create projects for myself, than to actually think upon what is causing my anxiety.  For instance, I wanted to have a full day of school with the  kids today, I wanted to continue to type out my notes, as well as process what I learned, especially with regards to hospitality.  But did any of those get accomplished?  No, not one.  But I have a really nice closet to show for it!

I turned this….

Into this….

Pretty good huh?

Well, now as I sit here, I am beginning to panic about what was not done today.  I did not spend enough time with the kids!  Oh no, they are ruined forever!

This is a distortion.  My kids are not ruined.  Would they have liked to play with me more?  Probably, but they are fine, and now have a great place to read.

These are just of the few things I am learning.  First, what a distortion is.  Distortions are when you think something crazy about a situation, and this thought is simply not reality.  For instance, my kids are ruined because I chose not to spend time with them.  Which brings me to the second thing I am learning, to not think of myself as crazy.  I am simply someone with a great deal of distortions, but not crazy….Right?  I mean, I decided to create a closet into a reading room in one day.  That is not crazy.  Finally, I am learning to have patience with myself.  I cannot get better in three weeks.  It took me a while to develop this anxiety, so I must be my own best friend and have patience with myself.  One thing my therapist has told me to do is talk to myself as I would a good friend who is going through the same situation.  But that is hard, because I feel crazy for talking to myself. Oh, the humor in anxiety! 

So today has ended, and now I must move on. 

Tomorrow is fresh with no projects in it yet.  I can wake up, pray, meditate, spend time with my children in their new reading room and simply enjoy the beautiful summer day.

I can embrace life.

Have a good night sleep everyone!

One thought on “Why Do I Do This?

Add yours

  1. And if it’s crazy to get distracted to a new, fun project when you are not real hot to do the ‘assigned’ projects, count me in! That has happened to me many, many times.

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