Why do I do these things to myself? As if I did not have enough to do, I decided to makeover a closet into a reading room?! What the heck is wrong with me?
I think with anxiety, it is sometimes easier to create projects for myself, than to actually think upon what is causing my anxiety. For instance, I wanted to have a full day of school with the kids today, I wanted to continue to type out my notes, as well as process what I learned, especially with regards to hospitality. But did any of those get accomplished? No, not one. But I have a really nice closet to show for it!
I turned this….
Pretty good huh?
Well, now as I sit here, I am beginning to panic about what was not done today. I did not spend enough time with the kids! Oh no, they are ruined forever!
This is a distortion. My kids are not ruined. Would they have liked to play with me more? Probably, but they are fine, and now have a great place to read.
These are just of the few things I am learning. First, what a distortion is. Distortions are when you think something crazy about a situation, and this thought is simply not reality. For instance, my kids are ruined because I chose not to spend time with them. Which brings me to the second thing I am learning, to not think of myself as crazy. I am simply someone with a great deal of distortions, but not crazy….Right? I mean, I decided to create a closet into a reading room in one day. That is not crazy. Finally, I am learning to have patience with myself. I cannot get better in three weeks. It took me a while to develop this anxiety, so I must be my own best friend and have patience with myself. One thing my therapist has told me to do is talk to myself as I would a good friend who is going through the same situation. But that is hard, because I feel crazy for talking to myself. Oh, the humor in anxiety!
So today has ended, and now I must move on.
Tomorrow is fresh with no projects in it yet. I can wake up, pray, meditate, spend time with my children in their new reading room and simply enjoy the beautiful summer day.
I can embrace life.
Have a good night sleep everyone!