I Am

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I am sitting here not really knowing what to write about or where this post is going.

The above saying never give up has been on my mind a great deal lately.  I have thought so much about whether this little, and when I say little, I mean little, blog of mine is worth all the attention I have been giving it.  Or the business I have created and the dreams I have for it, are they even worth it?  So many other people are more successful than I am.  They have careers, families etc.  Then, there is little old me.  Sitting in front of my computer, wondering if I even make a dent in the blog world.  Wondering if any one is even reading or cares.

Truth is, I am scared like the rest of the world.  I am scared of being judged, making a fool of myself, of not doing enough, of looking like a failure to my family and friends.

I have been so struck by how we all view success and failure lately.  How we all compare ourselves to one another, and even have a competition as to who can do more and appear to be successful.

Everything that is brought in front of me to read or study this past week has been screaming, “Suzanne, what you see as successful is screwed up!  The standards are made by a world that strives for more!  The more you have, the more you do, the more views you have, the more……”

Who are you?  Who are you not?  The knowing the not is just as important as knowing the who you are.

I am not a teacher earning money any more, but I am a teacher to my three children.

I am not a working mother earning tons of money for her family, but I am a working mother who stays with her kids all day and works to keep them on the same team.

I am not an inspirational speaker to the world, but I am an inspirational speaker to those around me.

I am not God, but I am a woman who loves God.

I do not have it all together, but I have my family close.

I do not have the best blog in the universe, but I do have readers who are loyal and that I have loved seeing daily.

I may not seem successful to some family and friends, but I am successful to my kids and husband. (even though I struggle with what they think of me too)

I am insecure.  I am someone who cares deeply.  I am someone who takes things to heart.  I am someone who is so full of life that I literally cannot place all I want to do in one day.

But many see me, and see just a stay at home mother.  One who has no career.  One who gave a career up.  One who is not helping financially like she should.  Or one who does not have something of her own.

That’s the way it may appear.  But reality is much different than what you see.

My life has been a series of twists and turn.  It may look so completely random to others, and full of wrong decisions.  But all decisions are coming together to bring glory. Not to me, but to a God who has knitted my life together. I do not know where this life of mine is headed, but I know it must be good.

I am successful.

Love,

Suzy

3 thoughts on “I Am

  1. I have so many feelings on what you just wrote. First, never be afraid to look like a fool. You are being honest and true to your heart and there is nothing greater! Second, success is a matter of opinion and personal preference. As far as I’m concerned is whether or not I’ve achieved the goals I’ve set for myself. From what you are saying, you have success in spades! Believe me, I see no small number of rolling eyeballs when I talk to people about choices I’ve made. But that is okay because the same way they wouldn’t choose the life I lead, I wouldn’t choose the life they lead. There is no one RIGHT way to live… there is only to live the RIGHT life for you.

    Be kind to yourself please…

  2. I don’t think you are alone in those thoughts, we all have them. There is so much goodness in your words, so many “successes” in your life. No path is easy, and no path comes without the twists and turns. We have to ride them out, focus on where we want to go and then go, even if others don’t see it has a “successful” path. It took me a long time to let go of what others thought, to stop being a people pleaser and live for me. I have felt like the last three years of my life have been full of self discovery, and finally finding out who I really am, and also not caring how others felt about who I am really am. It has been amazing on so many levels. Hang in there, you are success, you are walking your path and good things are waiting for you. xo

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