Who knew motherhood would change your life forever?
I can honestly say that when I started having kids, that I thought not much would change in my world. Of course, my pregnancy was a complete surprise, and I was not ready for anything.
I remember when our first was born, nothing went as expected. My labor was difficult, and I ended with a C-section and a healthy baby, but the C-section was not what I was expecting. Wanted to breast feed, but my milk never, ever came in. I did not realize this, I just kept trying to feed him, thinking he was full. Two weeks later, when he cried nonstop, and had jaundice, the doctors realized he was not eating. I was starving my baby. The moment I stuck a bottle in his mouth, and he ate, oh he calmed down and was happy. Again, I wanted to breastfeed, but plans changed.
Second child was another surprise. I honestly think that if the first two were not surprises, I would not have had any children! Just was not in my radar. Again, had to have a C-section, and he ended up having fluid on his lungs. They thought they would have to fly him to a pediatric NICU at another hospital. Here I was, laying in bed drugged up and still had not met my baby. So, as the nurses told me, I was the fastest C-section recovery they had ever seen. The only way I could see him, was if I walked to see him. That is what I did in 4 hours flat. Not the scenario I wanted or expected.
Adoption, I thought was going to be a love story. She would see me, I would see her, we would fall in love. The process ended up taking 2 years to even get her, and then the labor pains of adoption began and now four years later, the love story is finally taking shape.
Mother hood is not at all what I expected. First of all I never expected it. Then, I was told by others what was right. Try and avoid C-sections, breast feed only. Adoption is so romantic.
Oh, but nothing is ever quite so easy and clean cut in real life is it?
Mother hood is messy. Mother hood is a constant wonder if you are doing the right thing, or if your child will need therapy. No matter how many craft projects or fun outings you go on, a mother quickly realizes her expectations are the ones that need to be let go of. Your kids change all the romantic, high expectation notions you may have had, and turn them into reality. They show you the true meaning of love, of what it means to have fun, of what truly matters.
Anything worth doing, is worth suffering for. That is the life of the mother. Never easy. Never clean. But all so worth it.
Thank you kids for changing me into the woman I am today. You are amazing.
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