This is my oldest.  I love him dearly and I am so very proud of him.  Lately, he has found growing up to be quite difficult.  He is a very tall kid, and so I think a lot of people may mistake him as older, but he is twelve.  Oh, twelve.  I taught that awkward age for a long time, and now it is my turn to parent this stage.  I am not here to compare workloads between toddlers and teens, but I will say that as a mother, it is so difficult for me to watch him trying to figure out who he is becoming.  He has so much to offer, but does not realize just how much.  He lacks confidence, and has such a gentle heart.  Which is quite a hard combination.  Yet, here he is, working his way to adulthood.  And here I am, trying to let him figure this out, and build him up.

Let me tell you a little something about myself.  I was not the most popular child. We moved around quite a bit, and the last move, I did have a difficult time. I was not stylish, I played the violin, and I had the worst crooked teeth.  In fact, I was made fun of so much for those teeth. When we first moved to Las Vegas,  I actually would  eat lunch in the bathroom all by myself, because no one took an interest in me. This was around age twelve, and I will admit it is hard no to let the flashbacks get to me when I see my own son.

I do not want this for him.  I want others to see how amazing he is, be patient, loving.  But I cannot control others, and I cannot control everything that will happen to him.

I want him to know how amazing he is.  How he can make people laugh.  How he looks out for other people and truly worries about them.  He is great at the banjo, smart as a whip, has terrific friendships.

I will make sure he know these things, and I will be there to talk when he needs it.

He is and will always be my baby, but now I am at the stage where the baby wants to grow bigger, and I have to sit back and watch him fall.  But just like when he really was a baby, I will be there when he gets hurt, and when he has success.

Here is to all those mothers of teens.  It is a difficult but rewarding job.



6 thoughts on “Oldest

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  1. Reminds me of the story about the butterfly cocoon and the person who witnessed how difficult it was having busting out of the cocoon and helped only to discover the difficulty, the struggle was necessary for the emerging butterfly to build the strength to survive and fly. His help prevented the butterfly’s development and its abilty to thrive.

    1. Absolutely. It is so difficult not to help, but we just have to realize that it is part of growing up. Hard, but totally necessary.

  2. Just to be clear Suzy. My previous comment is in support of your conclusion the best you can do is be there as a loving and caring mother as he struggles to find himself.

    This young fella has so many assets already, when it’s time to spread those wings he won’t just fly he will soar.

  3. OMG, I had a flashback as well. Kids used to bet on whether I could open a bottle of Coke with my very buck teeth. And when we had school pictures taken, I’ d give my biggest smile like all the kids in front of me had, but the photographer would ask me to close my mouth. I really struggled with self-confidence. You are doing the right thing by loving him and letting him know he is so special and talented. That’s what my folks did and it seemed to work. But it took s while. (BTW, I love your blog. And I finally have time to read it again).

    1. So sad, but know what you mean by taking a while. Even today, I start to feel insecure and think back to what happened. I am so glad you like the blog. I hear yours is up and going again, so I will head on over!

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