This year has been a little crazy so far. A big reason for craziness is that Mr. Bits has been travelling a great deal, which means I am flying solo more than normal. I am married to a man who travels a great deal, but the last two years, his travel schedule had calmed down and I got used to having him around more. To be back into the full travel swing of things has been quite the adjustment for sure, and I am feeling a bit overwhelmed, to say the least.
I remember when the kids were younger, and I would say, “I cannot wait till they are older and do not have to have me with them all the time! This baby/toddler phase is so difficult!” I look back at that phase now, and I say, “Oh my, I had it so easy when they were in car seats, or took naps, or could play Thomas the Train and be occupied for hours.” The tough stage is always the one your in. Now it is three different kids, with three very different schedules. Trying to get them to their practices on time, picking them up before they are the last kid there and the coach glares at me! Teaching them, and making sure that their assignments are turned in. Going to co-op and making sure they are keeping up with those classes as well. Music practice, doctors appointments, weekend games, boys scouts, girl scouts, the list goes on and on. And that myth about homeschooled kids not having socialization? Not true in this family.
There is also the issue of my own desires and interests changing and evolving. How do I balance the desire to grow a business, yet bus my kids around all day? Where do I fit in the time to study my classes I am taking and write the 10 page paper that is looming over my head. How do I make the food for the community kitchen I have started (another story), how do I keep my identity instead of losing it in all the activities of the kids?
The answer? I do not really have one. Except somehow, it all gets done. Some how I am treading water, and there are days that my head dips underneath and I struggle to take a breath. There are some days that I tread effortlessly, and think to myself how easy it all is.
I do remind myself though of the overwhelmed feeling I had with the kids when they were younger, and how the stage they are in now will quickly disappear. I must remind myself that these three different kids, with their three different interests will leave this house one day, and I will long desperately for the days of bussing them around. I will long desperately for the days of laughing in the car together, watching baseball games, hearing them practice, reading books.
Which matters most? My feelings of wanting to get it all done or making sure my kids know they are valued? Savor the stage of life I am in or rush through just getting to the next event?
I have no time to question all the things I have done wrong, but I can look at today and savor every little bit of time with them I have. Helping each child grow into the independent wonderful person they are meant to become.
I get to be a mother, a wife, a friend, a daughter, a student, a servant, and a teacher this day. Will I do all of these well? I do not know, but I do know I am loved by a God who gives me the strength I need to make it through.
Thanks be to God.